Previous Entry | Next Entry

dog blueprint
I know, it's been a while. Shaddap.


INT. LIVING ROOM
NIBLET has just finished most of his dinner, followed by a fairly involved discussion of why Niblet isn't getting dessert despite eating much of his dinner. Niblet is doing his very best to hold it together to continue arguing his case before the Court of Dada.

NIBLET
But... I have Halloween candy!

DADA
I know, and eventually you'll get to eat it. You got some
before dinner tonight, didn't you?

NIBLET
(beginning to sob)
Yes, but...

DADA
Listen, kid. When I was growing up, we almost never had
dessert. Usually only on special occasions like Christmas or
Thanksgiving, or somebody's birthday. It was never something
I expected, only a very special treat.

NIBLET
(collapsing, hysterical, onto Dada)
I DON'T WANT MY LIFE TO BE LIKE YOURS!


It's true, my childhood was filled with horrors and abuse, what with not getting dessert all the time! I don't think I'll ever quite get over it. (In truth, it never even occurred to me. It'd be like feeling all pissed off and denied that I didn't get cake and presents EVERY DAY. It just wasn't any kind of thing.)

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Nov. 13th, 2010 03:59 am (UTC)
Yes, your cruel, cruel father and evil step-mother certainly relished the thought of denying you dessert. Plenty of desert, no dessert. And oh how we chortled over it after you had fallen asleep, sobbing yourself into a sad state of self-condolence. Who would want such a dismal existence? Why, even Oliver had it better. It even reached the point that your mother and I would telephone each other to fill each other in on how we each had denied you, holding you off from dessert except for on special occasions, and only then because grandparents meddled. . .Only now, now that your son has fallen victim to the same cruel fate, can the truth be told.
Yer Dad
dogofthefuture
Nov. 13th, 2010 04:14 am (UTC)
Heh, Dad. I just came back to shorten this entry in the interest of brevity. But maybe I'll also make it clear that at the time, it was just normal, and thank goodness. It never even bothered me in the slightest.

However, if it had, you have a pretty good defense here: 98% of the dinners I ate while growing up were at my mom and stepfather's house. So it was they who (didn't actually) torture me cruelly with no dessert.
patentreporter
Nov. 13th, 2010 04:18 am (UTC)
That sounds just like me....My son (5yrs) has been flushing whole rolls of toilet paper at a rate of 2-3 a day over the last week. My wife and I just made him pay us from his piggy bank 50c for the roll he just wasted 30 minutes ago. He complained that if he paid us he would have no money.
Nice to see the point was understood.
yiskah
Nov. 13th, 2010 05:00 am (UTC)
I did an actual LOL. Well done Niblet!
ajax
Nov. 13th, 2010 03:33 pm (UTC)
We got dessert almost every night, but could almost never have friends come over to play -- we always had to go to their house, or play outside. There were generally halfway decent reasons why this was so -- both my parents worked, so they often weren't home, and when they were, they were tired -- but the explanation that was offered most often was "It's my house, and what I say goes."

That being said, you are history's greatest monsters. Not wanting to bake a pie is one thing, but don't you understand that his Halloween candy is getting staler every day? There's no TIME!

--- Ajax.
hirightnow
Nov. 14th, 2010 03:53 am (UTC)
This had nothing to do with the bodys in the basement,
No.No SIR!
dogofthefuture
Nov. 15th, 2010 08:14 am (UTC)
Well, Ajax, I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you ever become a parent, you actually will find yourself using that exact same answer: "It's my house, and so what I say goes" or a variant thereof, along with many, many others that you probably swore you'd never use on your own children. Like, for instance, the full name. I heard ERIC TIMOTHY RAPP many a time. As my son often hears BRENDAN GEORGE RAPP many times as well. Why it works, I do not know. But it does. Even though I remember telling myself that if I ever had kids, I would *never*. As *long*... HOW LONG? AS LONG as I *lived*. Do *that*. To him.

Ah well.
hilker
Nov. 18th, 2010 03:28 am (UTC)
Kids are like demons. If you know their True Name, they have to do your bidding.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

dog blueprint
dogofthefuture
dogofthefuture

Latest Month

December 2012
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031     
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow